Ramblings of a Nomad

My original intent was to write a note letting you all know that I'm not writing a post yet. Indeed, this still is my aim, to point you to the forthcoming post(s). However, as I write, I'm aware that I have an itch to scratch, on my brain somewhere, and I think writing will help. I'm afraid you are all about to fall prey to the ramblings of a nomad.

This nomad is not the kind who lives in tents and herds sheep somewhere in the Middle East (forgive me if anything I write at this hour is politically incorrect). This nomad is a 19-year-old girl, a Filipino born in Australia, living in Canada, though never at home for more than 3 weeks at a time. I seem to spend most of my life packing suitcases and preparing for the next take-off.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining at all. I love to travel. I love seeing new places and meeting new friends. I love fresh experiences, and growing from them, whether good or bad.

(Now, I can easily say most of that in retrospect. A lot of times when I experience something new, I stress and get worried about everything my imagination can conjure up, and bad experiences are never fun while they're happening. Thankfully, God is teaching me through experience that I can trust Him with every single thing.)

I will leave the details of my recent adventures for future posts. For now, on a more serious note...

Sometimes, I get weary of my nomadic life. Sometimes I wish I could just settle down in one place for a decade or so, and skip all the hopping from place to place, living out of two now very familiar suitcases, trying to drag (or decide whether or not to drag) my violin all around the world, and avoid the pressure of keeping up with transportation schedules. Sometimes I wish I could just stay in an English-speaking country and not have to deal with the confusion and frustration of not being able to communicate, or the risk and embarrassment of trying and saying something weird. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to learn how to act and react in a different culture. Sometimes I wish I could just see and pay for everything in Canadian dollars. Sometimes I wish I knew what the next 5 years' plan for my life is, set in stone. Sometimes I wish I could just have a 'normal' life.

Sometimes.

At other times, or most times, I would not trade this life for any other. My life has been full of unexpected turns and hills, of bright moments and dark moments, of times when God threw doors open wide and times when He closed doors in my face, but He has never failed me. He has been constantly present at my side, guiding me, helping me, comforting me, teaching me, loving me. Looking back at my "solo times" with God in the various places where my travels have taken me, I see a special string of unforgettable moments in communion with Him.

They were mountain-top experiences...

...and often quite literally.

I would not trade these for the world. And looking back, every place where God has led me has proved (or surely will prove) to be an invaluable step in my life.

Though tired of hopping, I gain strength from hopping.

I will cling to the lessons I'm learning from the stories of Abraham, Issac, Jacob, and Joseph. They were nomads too.

Whenever God calls, I will go, even if I don't know where I am going.
I will trust even my very life's blood to the One who never fails to keep His promises.
Though the future is unknown, and past sins and failures are enough to make me weep at the feet of Jesus, I will surely struggle with that Angel and prevail, never relinquishing my desire for the promised blessing.
Even if I found myself thrown into a pit, dragged off as a slave to a foreign land, cast into prison in spite of my innocence...

God is faithful, and I choose to remain faithful

to the end,

knowing that it is His power working in me which actualizes the results of that choice.

If the reason I'm a nomad is because it is fulfilling God's purposes, then I am perfectly content. I can trust Him with my life and with every step.

Because He leadeth me.

"I'M SLIPPING! I'M FA—"

If I say, "My foot slips," Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up. ~ Psalm 94:18

I heard a powerful sermon on this text once. I had never paid attention to it before, but the speaker made it unforgettable. He told a story of when he was climbing up a very steep hill of pebbles. One wrong step and you could slide pretty dangerously, further and faster than you'd like. To top it off, he was afraid of heights.

I can't remember the whole sermon, so I actually might make part of this up. But it is true, nonetheless! It is what I personally have learned, and today, through a slip of my own, I realized there is even more to the promise.

We've heard the the text that says "The righteous man falls seven times, and rises up again." I claim this often as a precious promise when I fall or make mistakes in my spiritual walk. Probably many others do as well.

But this text is different. The "righteous person" here (who would be one that trusts in the righteousness and grace of Jesus Christ) is not shown to be getting up after falling. He is calling out while he is falling. And he doesn't even have the chance to formulate it into a plea for help.

Put yourself in the speaker's story.

Someone is climbing with you. Because of your fear of heights you are much more unbalanced than he is, and your foot slips. Soon you will find yourself in an unhappy (understatement) heap at the bottom of the steep hill, unless someone catches you and holds you up. In that split second you cry out, "Dear friend who climbs with me, Thank you so much for being with me. You see that I am slipping and about to fall. Please, hold me up before I fall to my death. Thank you so much."

You're kidding.

Of course you wouldn't say that! Or a least I wouldn't (I hope you wouldn't either). No, the words that would come out of your mouth would sound something like this:

"I'M SLIPPING! I'M FA—"

A strong arm grabs you and holds you up.

The friend wouldn't wait for you to technically ask for help. A friend is a friend, and they would hold you if it was in their power to keep you from falling.

God has the power to keep us from falling. "Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy..." (Jude 24).

When I left the sermon that day, I had learned a great lesson that would soon make itself real in everyday life. I would always remember that when we are slipping and falling, yes, even as our foot slips (and most likely our own choice made it slip); if we cry out to God -- or just cry out! -- He is near, and in His mercy He will hold us up. What a deep, simple, beautiful promise!

From then on I took "hold you up" as meaning "you will regain your footing and not fall." Yet it doesn't say that! It says that God's mercy will hold you up. It means that, even if BOTH feet slip, God will still hold us up if we cry out as we fall. He will catch us and carry us, while our unsteady feet dangle over the pit, already wet from the edges of the swamp of temptation. He is near, ready in an instant to show us mercy in our failings, and carry us when we cry out for help.

This doesn't mean that God will save us from every mistake. He can't save us if we dive headlong down the hill at breakneck speed. But He can hold us when we fall. And sometimes temptation is too slick for a lengthy request for help.

So next time you find yourself crying out,

"I'M SLIPPING! I'M FA—"

His mercy will hold you up.

Who For?

Lord, I'm not exactly sure why You didn't want me to finish that other post. It seemed so good.

Maybe that's why. 

Sigh. 

Lord, I just want to be completely empty of self. The way I always seek for recognition through my own works (be it writing, speaking, music, accomplishments, the list is too long) is appalling. How can I, why should I, when You are the only audience that matters? 

That really matters, that is? 

Of course we should cater our delivery to the people who will receive it, without compromising the message. But ultimately, we are not doing it for them. 

We are doing it for You. 

Why am I so slow to remember?

One thing You have been teaching me is that the work of saving souls is not mine.

It's not even ours as a people.

It's Yours, and You are the one who has chosen to use us in Your work. You've even gone so far as to limit Yourself to working through failing human agencies, giving us a place with the angels in Your redemptive plan! But the work is not ours, nor does it depend on us entirely. Otherwise, no one would be saved. Because we fail over and over in transparently expressing the message of Your love to 

others. We get tripped by our own illusions of our abilities and talents. As if they were ours! And we end up falling on our faces and bringing dishonor upon You and Your message.

Yet You patiently work through it all, in spite of our blunderings and mistakes, and even through our greatest weaknesses. You said it once, "My grace is sufficient for you, and my strength is made perfect in weakness." I never cease to be amazed at Your grace. For our sake and theirs, You still use humanity to save humanity. Because of the weakness of your vessels, Your strength is made perfect -- Your strength is seen to be the only reason any effort for good ever works.

This is Your work, not mine. I'm so grateful that You have chosen me to take part in it. You want me to, and You say You need me to. In spite of my weaknesses and incapabilities. Amazing grace! The honor You freely give far exceeds any applause we might receive from people. Why should we strive for recognition any longer?

Who am I living for? Who am I writing my blog for, who am I preaching for, who am I playing and writing music for...

Who am I for? For the world? Or for God?

It is the motive that counts. And it is You who matters.


Lord, I want to be all-out...

For You.

More than Conquerors

I just wanted to share with you today's Revival and Reformation devotional, because it really blessed me today.

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These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. John 16:33, NKJV.

Christ came to our world as the surety for humanity, preparing the way for all to gain the victory by giving them moral power. It is not His will that any shall be placed at a disadvantage. He would not have those who are striving to overcome intimidated and discouraged by the crafty assaults of the serpent. "Be of good cheer," He says, "I have overcome the world."

With such a General to lead us on to victory, we may indeed have joy and courage. He came as our champion. He takes cognizance of the battle that all who are at enmity with Satan must fight. He lays before His followers a plan of the battle, pointing out its peculiarities and severity, and warning them not to join His army without first counting the cost. He tells them that the vast confederacy of evil is arrayed against them, and shows them that they are fighting for an invisible world, and that His army is not composed merely of human agencies. His soldiers are coworkers with heavenly intelligences, and One higher than angels is in the ranks; for the Holy Spirit, Christ's representative, is there.

Then Christ summons every decided follower, every true soldier, to fight for Him, assuring them that there is deliverance for all who will obey His orders. If Christ's soldiers look faithfully to their Captain for their orders, success will attend their warfare against the enemy. No matter how they may be beset, in the end they will be triumphant.

Their infirmities may be many, their sins great, their ignorance seemingly insurmountable; but if they realize their weakness, and look to Christ for aid, He will be their efficiency. He is ever ready to enlighten their dullness and overcome their sinfulness. If they avail themselves of His power, their characters will be transformed; they will be surrounded with an atmosphere of light and holiness. Through His merits and imparted power they will be "more than conquerors." Supernatural help will be given them, enabling them in their weakness to do the deeds of omnipotence.

Those who fight for Christ are fighting in the sight of the heavenly universe, and they should be soldiers, not cowards.... By faith they are to look calmly upon every foe, exclaiming: "We fight the good fight of faith, under the command of an omnipotent Power. Because He lives, we shall live also."--The Signs of the Times, May 27, 1897.

David: Fear, Faith, and Failure

He is one of my favourite Bible characters. The call of God on his life, the trials he endured, the patience that was necessary, the faith that sometimes failed, the struggles with self, the forgiveness he experienced, the heart who still loved God, and the desire to glorify the true Sovereign of Israel—I feel like I can relate.

I've been reading through the book Patriarchs and Prophets for the first time. I've learned so much, especially from the life of David. It is jam packed with lessons and insights on the Christian life and experience. 

One thing struck me. So often we look at David’s affair with Bathsheba as the “only” failure of David’s life, including the sad and terrible consequences that followed. But as I was reading, I realized that David actually failed many times throughout his life.

For example, his “first error,” as the author of the book calls it, occurred when he first fled from Saul and went to the tabernacle at Nob, where the high priest was.

"Now David came to Nob, to Ahimelech the priest. And Ahimelech was afraid when he met David, and said to him, 'Why are you alone, and no one is with you?' So David said to Ahimelech the priest, 'The king has ordered me on some business, and said to me, "Do not let anyone know anything about the business on which I send you, or what I have commanded you." And I have directedmy young men to such and such a place. Now therefore, what have you on hand? Give me five loaves of bread in my hand, or whatever can be found' " (1 Samuel 21:1-3 NKJV).

What did David just do here? He lied. He was afraid of being caught, and he distrusted God to the point of lying to the priest, who could have helped him had he told the truth. David lost hold of his faith, and out of fear he resorted to deception.

Right after leaving Nob, David fled to Gath, a Philistine city.

"Then David arose and fled that day from before Saul, and went to Achish the king of Gath. And the servants of Achish said to him, 'Is this not David the king of the land? Did they not sing of him to one another in dances, saying:
"Saul has slain his thousands,
And David his ten thousands"?'
Now David took these words to heart, and was very much afraid of Achish the king of Gath" (1 Samuel 21:10-12).

We’re starting to see a pattern here. How does David handle his fear this time?

"So he changed his behavior before them, pretended madness in their hands, scratched on the doors of the gate, and let his saliva fall down on his beard. Then Achish said to his servants, 'Look, you see the man is insane. Why have you brought him to me? Have I need of madmen, that you have brought this fellow to play the madman in my presence? Shall this fellow come into my house?' David therefore departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam" (1 Samuel 21:13-22:1).

Patriarchs and Prophets says that “his second mistake was his deception before Achish” (PP 656). Again, because of fear he used deception to escape his situation. Instead of trusting God to save him out of his predicament (that he got himself into) he trusted in himself. 

As I read this, I started to wonder how I could relate to David’s experience. Just a couple of paragraphs later, I found the answer:

“Every failure on the part of the children of God is due to their lack of faith. When shadows encompass the soul, when we want light and guidance, we must look up: there is light beyond the darkness. David ought not to have distrusted God for one moment. He had cause for trusting in Him: he was the Lord’s anointed, and in the midst of danger he had been protected by the angels of God; he had been armed with courage to do wonderful things; and if he had but removed his mind from the distressing situation in which he was placed, and had thought of God’s power and majesty, he would have been at peace even in the midst of the shadows of death; he could with confidence have repeated the promise of the Lord, ‘The mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of My peace be removed.’ Isaiah 54:10” (PP 657). 

Sometimes, at the end of a day, I look back and I see how much I failed, maybe even in little things. Have you ever felt that way? I don’t know what it is for you; it could be anything from neglecting your devotions to letting your tongue get the better of you. Maybe you look back and you see how selfish you were, or how little you seemed to accomplish. You fill in the blank.  

But whenever you fail or make mistakes, remember that “Every failure on the part of the children of God is due to their lack of faith.” That sentence nearly blew me away when I first read it. The first words conjured up all my recent failures, and I saw truth in it's piercing light. Every time I failed, it was because I lacked faith. It was just that simple.

I once read this passage for my devotions in the summer, and I had an idea. It says that David “had cause for trusting in Him” and then went on to list why. So, I decided to prayerfully write down my cause for trusting in God.

I encourage you to try it. Sit down with a pen and paper, and ask God to remind you specifically how He has proved Himself to you in the past. I guarantee that you will gain a huge blessing, and you will discover that there is no reason to distrust God "for one moment."

Maybe you are facing personal battles today. Instead of being afraid, taking things into your own hands, and turning fear into failure and a lack of faith, remember God’s faithfulness. He will work all things out for good, and if you go to Him in faith, He will give you more faith and fill you with courage to do what is right. He will be able to save you from failure, if you constantly trust in Him.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

One more thing. David did fail many times, including committing the gross crimes of adultery and murder, but in the end... Well, I'll save all of that for the next post :) 

Stay tuned!