Date: April 15, 2011
(Edited for sharing purposes)
Remember to come when I call. Remember that you are not your own. You are Mine, both by right, and by your surrender. My will is still binding on you, even when it seems that I don't always ask you to fulfill it in the same way. For My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts are higher than your thoughts. I am calling you higher; remember, even the unpleasant, ugly, uncomfortable steps are necessary. To go higher, you must first learn to go lower. So in that sense, I am still calling you lower. You must let go of your pride.
But Lord, I'm trying! I don't even really know how. How can I give up something about myself that I don't even understand?
I can give you the wisdom.
I know, Lord, but even if I did know how, I know I couldn't.
I can give you the strength.
I know all this, Lord. I guess it's just hard. This battle is hard.
I came not to bring peace, but a sword [Matthew 10:34]. Remember what you read this morning. Who are you that you should be afraid of self, who will die? [Isaiah 51:12]. What can self do to you? When you cry out to Me, Your enemies will turn back. This you know, because I am for you. I will keep your feet from falling [Psalm 56:4, 8, 9, 13].
Forgive me, Lord, for asking this, but then why do I fall?
You only fall when you let go of Me. I'm not going to hold you up if you refuse My hand. And if you accept My hand, you must accept all from My hand. Remember, you are not your own.
Lord, I can't do this. Part of me wants to continue that full surrender, but self is holding me back. You are asking a lot. No, You're asking for all. And it's almost too hard. I never really thought it was this hard, long ago, but then I didn't understand it as fully. Now I am starting to see more just how entire this must be. I want to, Lord. I want to surrender. I want to be humble. I want to let go of my pride. But...
You can do nothing of yourself. You can't even surrender your all yourself. Only ask me to take your all, and then I will enable you to be wholly surrendered to me. Please, I long for you to let Me.
Then Lord, take me. Take my all. Do what you will with my life. I can't battle self. I know I can do nothing. I come to you with nothing of my own to offer; no power of my own, no wisdom of my own, no righteousness of my own. Please, Lord, utterly crush my pride. I don't want to seek my own. Make me always remember that I am nothing. Please, Lord, I can't, but You can.