From a Friend to You

I just wanted to share with you all a post written by one of my favourite writers, and one of my dearest friends. It was a big blessing to me, and I pray that it will be to you as well.

Shades of Life: The Struggle

For the Love of Egg Rolls

Imagine standing in line at the cafeteria (at Fountainview). Straining your neck to see what's being served, past the curving line of hungry young people, you see that it's is absolutely the best thing that ever happened. At least, that's what you think at this moment. Egg rolls! Excitement and hunger rumble in your stomach. You are just itching to take the first luscious bite, because you know it will be good. You've tasted it before. But as you keep a sharp lookout on the progress of the line and the diminishing number of egg rolls, your rumbling stomach begins to sink. Anxiously you crowd the person in front of you in a futile effort to make the line go faster. You forget that this won't do you any good; the egg rolls will only disappear sooner. Finally, you make it to the table, only to find that there are no egg rolls left. Turning away in sorrow, you come face to face with a cafeteria worker carrying a deck-pan full of fresh egg rolls, straight out of the oven. They're the best egg rolls you've ever had.

You forgot the most important thing: there will always be enough. The cafeteria is well known for providing an abundance of food. There was nothing to worry about. They had everything under control.

Sometimes I feel like I'm standing in the line of life. I'm waiting, and when I catch glimpses of God's plan for me, my hunger for it grows. The fulfilment of God's plan for me is like an egg roll. I know it's going to be good. I've tasted it before. I can't wait to get my teeth into it and take that luscious bite. So, I try to make the line go faster. I want God to fulfil His plan for me right now, or at least reveal His plan right now. Can't He hand me an egg roll (reveal His plan) and give me concrete evidence that I will get to eat it?

But I don't run the cafeteria. I forget that there will always be enough. No matter how long God takes to fully work out His will in my life, the supply of egg rolls will never fail. God will supply me with everything I need at just the right time; He has everything under control, and I don't have to worry that I won't get any egg rolls. Sometimes, He leaves me waiting at the table, confused by the empty deck-pan, until I come face to face with Him. Then He'll give me the best egg rolls I've ever had.

"So the LORD must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help." - Isaiah 30:18 NLT

A Future and a Hope

Consider the experience of Moses. - Ministry of Healing, pg.474

I've been reading a lot about Moses lately. God worked miracle after miracle for the Israelites, but shortly after they would forget and murmur (complain) about present difficulties. It was a constant roller-coaster going from, "Praise the Lord, He is so good and has led us thus far," to, "Bitter water!? Come on Moses, did you bring us out here to die of thirst?" What a stupid question! God didn't bring them out to die in the desert. How could they forget all the wonders God worked in Egypt? How could they possibly forget crossing the Red Sea on dry ground? Just think, Moses had to deal with this stubborn bunch of whiners for more than 40 years! And that only because they were a stubborn bunch of whiners!

What prepared him for such a great and difficult work? Well of course, everything about him shouted, "LEADER." He had been trained in the royal schools of the most powerful nation on earth. Everything from diplomacy to strategy to governing was included in his training. All of Egypt, including his royal grandfather, once looked to him as the next Pharaoh. Surely this is what qualified him to lead the multitude of God's people. Right?

Not so.

The education he received in Egypt as the king’s grandson and the prospective heir to the throne was very thorough. Nothing was neglected that was calculated to make him a wise man, as the Egyptians understood wisdom. He received the highest civil and military training. He felt that he was fully prepared for the work of delivering Israel from bondage. But God judged otherwise. His providence appointed Moses forty years of training in the wilderness as a keeper of sheep (MH 474).

What? A shepherd? What happened to the great military leader, the heir to the throne of the most powerful kingdom in Egypt? Wasn't that the kind of training that would prepare Moses to lead his people? Doubtless it aided him greatly when the time came. But God knew that he wasn't ready yet. He had much to unlearn from his life as an honoured grandson of the Pharaoh, surrounded by heathen worship and glorified man-made structures. Here in the majestic mountains of the wilderness God revealed His power and greatness. Moses was alone with God, and he learned lessons of service, humility, tender care, patience, faithfulness, and meekness. He came to know God as a mighty but personal friend.

And then, the call came. Now God knew he was ready. Now, after he had let go of his own self-sufficiency, was he prepared to lead God's people from Egypt. In fact, he had become so humble and distrustful of himself that he shrank from the mission. It seemed impossible to him. God was patient, however, and provided everything he needed. And that encounter at the burning bush would be one of many near face-to-face meetings with God.

So what does this ancient familiar Bible story have to do with us today? Plenty. We are just as stubborn and whiny as those Israelites. We easily forget the ways God has led us in the past, and we complain and murmur about the smallest things.

Sometimes God leads you into the wilderness to teach you valuable lessons. This has to happen before He can really use you for the work He has called you to. You think that you are all prepared to do your lifework, or you think that you need education and power and honour in order to really do a work for God. But this is not reality. It may not make sense to the world, to your friends, to your family, or even to you, but God may place you in the most uncomfortable, uncanny, and unconventional circumstances to work out His greater purpose in your life.

And one day, you'll be ready.

One day, God will say to me, "Now you are ready. Go unto Pharaoh..." Whatever the work will be, I know that God is making me ready. He is using every experience and circumstance. And He is guiding every step. I may not meet a burning bush, or part the waters of a sea, but I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that God has a plan for me.

And He has a plan for you.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope" (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV).

Word of the Moment

bit·ter·sweet  [adj. bit-er-sweet, bit-er-sweet; n. bit-er-sweet]
adjective
1.
both bitter and sweet to the taste: bittersweet chocolate.
2.
both pleasant and painful or regretful: a bittersweet memory.

If you want me to explain, just ask.

We'll Walk if We Have To

"Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!"

That all too familiar sound. Again. We were pulling out of Twin Falls this morning, and our bus wouldn't stop beeping. You see, yesterday we were delayed almost 4.5 hours because of a problem with the air compressor on the bus. Praise God, the repair man came from over an hour's drive away, and he was able to fix it quickly. On top of that, he didn't charge us anything! He is a Christian man, and it was a huge blessing because Scott was expecting anywhere from $500-1000. We gave him two DVDs.

It was a pretty uneventful drive for the most of the rest of the day. Walmart stop, Taco Bell pick-up, and then a late drive with a confusing time change that we didn't actually change but the schedule says it changed (the way that I wrote it is about as confusing as it was for us).

We were almost to the church, and Scott was in the lead. At an intersection (oh, that fateful intersection), Scott and Alistair were discussing over the radios. Their two GPS's hardly ever agree, and we never know which one is right. So we turned left. And Alistair turned right.

He was right.

We soon discovered this fact, so Scott attempted to turn around. Pitch black outside, lonely straight road with dirt and fields on either side, lined by barbed-wire fence on one side and an electric (as someone said) fence on the other. Just when we were perfectly perpendicular to the road, and completely blocking it, a grinding noise brought us to a halt. Back and forth, Scott tried to get us unstuck, but in vain. We went out to investigate. The back wheels on the driver's side were stuck in a foot-deep hole, conveniently just large enough for the wheels. On top of that, we had a flat tire (which is why we couldn't get out of the hole). On top of that, it was freezing cold outside. By the time the other bus picked us up (Alistair backed in), we ended up getting to sleep around 1:00 am (Boise time, 12:00 am BC time...I think).

And so today, we were rolling out and -- "Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!" It just wouldn't quit. A problem with the air again. So now we are back at the school/church where we stayed, having wifi and playing basketball. And praying. Really praying.

It was a real blessing for us to be able to have worship together as a group while we waited for the bus yesterday. In small groups, we discussed the story of the loaves and fishes. It is amazing how much there is in there about buses and Las Vegas Tour! I believe that a major highlight of what we learned (and shared with the whole group together) is that God can do the impossible with little things, and only if we give all to Him.

Pray for us; the devil doesn't like what we're doing, and he's stopping at nothing to stop us. And if he can't stop us, he's going to try to distract us from our purpose on this trip. He will have succeeded in that case. Pray that we will not get distracted or worry about the buses, showers, sleep (or the lack thereof), or making it to concerts on time. Pray that we will trust God completely and not waver in our faith and purpose. There is nothing to fear; nothing to worry about. Except that we forget how God has led us in the past...

"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;
But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.
They have bowed down and fallen;
But we have risen and stand upright." Ps 20:7, 8

If God wants us there, He'll get us there. Nothing can stop us.

We'll walk if we have to.

Headed to Sin City

Ok, so today is the worst time to write a blog post. But it's probably my only chance before we head to Sin City, so I thought I better get one more post in before the mass exodus occurs.

We are taking Fountainview Academy on the road. That is, we're having school on the road. We have been invited by It Is Written to come and play at a huge event they are hosting in Las Vegas, Nevada. It is called "Revelation Today." Almost very morning and evening from Friday, February 3 to Sabbath, February 12, Fountainview will be either playing a few numbers in the meetings, or having a full concert. The meetings will be broadcast around the world. And in the midst of all of this, we are having school. Yup, we're taking most of the teachers, some of their family members, and we are going to have classes in the place where we are staying. Talk about a full schedule!

Well, please pray for us as we embark on so great an adventure. Not so much for us (though we really need it), but more for our influence and part in the meetings. Sin City...you know there's a reason it has that nickname. But God has His people there too. Pray that many people will come to know Him more.

Well, that's all for today, folks! Sorry if this was kind of scatter-brained -- squirrel!

In this is Love

Here is the revelation of the last post's "sneak peek." It is the Vespers talk from last night (January 27, 2012). God taught me so much through this experience, especially in the preparation. He taught me to trust Him for every single word, and to trust Him even when it seemed impossible that I could be ready in time. I pray that it will be a blessing to you. And I can't say enough that all the glory belongs to Jesus.

Sometime I hope to transcribe it into written form. I'll update this post at that time. Feel free to download the file if you wish.

One more thing...there is a part around 10 mins or so where the video on the screen had some difficulty playing right away. Also, you might need to turn the volume up at that point to hear the video.

All the glory belongs to Jesus.
 

Just a sneak peak...

So, I haven't posted in a while, and I'm not really sure what to write. My mind is too full of this Vespers talk I'm working on. God has been leading in amazing ways and revealing fresh understandings of His love. Ahhhh....the complex simplicity of the gospel! Nothing new, just things we hardly ever stop to think about. But when you do stop, when you see...well, I don't want to give it away. Just a sneak peak, I guess ;) I'll post about it after. I'm not sure yet when I will share it. Soon, hopefully, soon...

The Long-Awaited California Tour Update

This one’s for Jo.

I had dreams of keeping up with my blog on Cali tour, but sadly, it never happened. So now I’ll have to update you all on how it went.

This year’s tour was quite different from previous tours I’ve been on. For one thing, I was a dean, not a student this time. That makes the whole experience a bit different. Well, maybe a lot different.

But in general, it was great. In most ways, it was better than it ever has been before. Where should I start? First things first, many seasoned Cali-tourists say this was the most restful Cali tour ever. The schedule was quite relaxed, with time to stop for meals and play at rest stops and PLENTY of time to shop (most of us went FOUR times). We also had a whole day off! The plan was to do laundry, go to the beach and go mini golfing, but we were apprehended by rain and seagulls, which made for just a short beachside picnic lunch and a mad dash to the bus, and yes, SHOPPING instead of mini-golf (who would have guessed?). We had no concert that evening and also on the Friday before (which has never happened before I believe).

Speaking of picnic lunches. The food was AMAZING on this tour! We had four lovely alumni ladies as our cook crew, plus Mr. Roque. MMM MMM MMMMMMMM… For that picnic lunch we had amazing veggie burgers on big fluffy buns, 3 or 4 varieties of chips (the gourmet, Costco kind), a small bottle of Naked juice for everyone (that’s for Liss and Amie). Other meals consisted of sushi rolls (anywhere from 1-5 each—that’s a lot of sushi rolls for over 100 people!) with rice, flat noodles, carrot salad; the famous Roque Filipino meal with caldaretta, pansit, and fried rice; baked potatoes with every kind of topping you can imagine (mushrooms, vegan sour cream, vegan cheese sauce, green onions, bacon bits, chilli, ETC.). For supper on the bus from Sacramento, we had Roots 500 (a delicious mix of potatoes, carrots, and other goodness), fruit trifle, AND fruit salad (mangos and watermelon included). For breakfasts, we had really good cubed potatoes mixed with tofu scramble, Fountainvew-canned applesauce, and among other things, they tried a new delicacy on us: chia pudding. A whole lot of healthy energy packed into some slimy, white goo full of frogs’ eg—I mean, swelled chia seeds.

But we didn’t go on Cali tour to eat (though the eating was much fun). We went to share Christ. And this, I believe (and I agree with Scott), was most important “better” thing about this tour. Overall, the spiritual impact of this tour seemed to be greater. The more lenient schedule allowed for more time for personal devotions, which meant that students and staff alike had the opportunity to establish their connection with God in the morning, thus making our interactions with the people at the concerts more meaningful. It allowed the Spirit to work more through us in the performances. Scott also pointed out that he noticed that we treated each other better than in years past (he would know, because he drives the bus for a bunch of us teenage girls). Because the love of Jesus was affecting our interactions with one another, it made our impact on others that much stronger. We also integrated some “Friends of Fountainview” cards to go in the programs that were handed out, with options for people to ask for more information, for prayer, and for Bible studies. We realized that the impression made on people at the concert should be followed up with an opportunity for them to learn more, to really be pointed to Jesus. The students were encouraged to go into the audiences after concerts, to talk and pray with people, and collect the request cards.

God also blessed our fundraising for newer buses (ones that won’t break down at midnight in the middle of winter on a high mountain pass). We raised enough to cover the expenses of the trip and at least half a bus. (For more info go to: http://fountainview.ca/donate/)

I’m so glad this year’s tour went so well, and that God is still improving our music and program even though we keep graduating many of our leading musicians and singers. It’s only because of Him that we meet with success. All the glory goes to Him. 

Fill Me: The Poem

Well, here's my second post inspired by my experience at GYC. It was a huge blessing; I learned so much, and God really "woke me up" again. I won't go into much detail because the previous post and this poem say it all. I pray you will gain a blessing, and maybe, just maybe, your heart's cry might echo mine.

Fill Me

Before Thy throne of grace I bow;

Speechless, it seems, to say

The things that You already know

Are on my heart today.

I find myself here once again --

An everyday routine;

But Lord, today, You see I thirst;

I plead with You, fill me.

Fill me, and take my prideful heart,

My fearful tendency,

My quest for recognition and

My self-sufficiency.

Take all these things, and in their place,

Give me a strong desire

To glorify my King alone,

Be lighted with Your fire.

Lord, move me where Your Spirit leads,

To go where You may call,

To say what You would have me say,

To willingly give all.

It may not be on mountain's height,

Or over stormy sea,

It may not be at battle's front,

Where God may soon need me;

If by a still, small voice He calls

To paths I do not know,

I'll answer with my hand in Thine,

I'll go, my Lord, I'll go.

But now, I pray, "Fill me."

This is my earnest plea.

Valerie Jacobson

Jan. 2, 2012

Fill Me

Lord, here I am.

Take me.

Take the elements of myself that are keeping me from you, that are distracting me from Your purpose, that are preventing me from truly being filled.

Take my pride. Instead make me humble.

Take my self-sufficiency. Instead make me dependent upon you.

Take my fear. Instead make me bold and unafraid to let You do with me, in me, and through me what You desire.

Take my desire for recognition. Instead let me live for Your recognition alone, and for Your honor and glory alone.

Fill me with Thy Spirit.

And Lord, as the work of Your Spirit is to glorify You, so also let me glorify You in letting Your Spirit transform my character into one like Christ's. For this work of changing me back into the image of God will bring glory to You alone.

Fill me.

Fill me with a burning desire for the baptism of Your Spirit -- a desire as strong as Your longing fulfill it.

Fill me with Your Spirit, to cleanse and sanctify my wandering heart, to consecrate my all to You.

Fill me with the Comforter who will enable me to ride through the storms of life, and emerge with greater faith.

Fill me, and guide me by Your Spirit to go where you would have me to be, to do what you would have me to do, to say what you would have me to say, to be who you would have me to be.

Fill me now.

In Jesus' name, amen.

: Simple

http://www.myspace.com/video/racing4home/001-re-ally-with-david-asscherick/33335682

A friend of mine posted this on his blog, and I hope he doesn't mind me sharing it again. I also have some thoughts that I shared in a comment I posted on his, which I will share here. 

It would be in your best interest to watch the video before you read on. It'll make more sense that way.

A few of my friends commented on the video, and said that at first David Asscherick's answer seemed cliché. Here's what I said:

...that's the beauty of Asscherick's answer. The fact that it appeared cliché at first only emphasizes how simple the answer should be. God is either there, or He isn't: Simple. We either find Him because we seek Him, or we don't find Him because we don't seek Him: Simple. Once we do find Him, once we see Him, we can't not see Him: Simple.

Faith: Simple. 

I think that all the "shallow cerebral motivations," treating it like an "intellectual rubric," is the very reason that people struggle with this. They are making it too complicated. Humans have become so over-analytical that when someone tries to show them the simplicity of the gospel, they pridefully shake it off. They say, "I won't believe in that, there's not enough science behind it. I'm more educated than that to believe."

Or maybe it's the simplicity that "scares" them off. They see how simple it is, yet because of their preconceived ideas and over-analytical mindset, they don't understand. They don't let themselves understand. But the fact that they can't understand something so simple is a rebuke to their "intellect." Again, it comes down to pride.

I think even we, as Christians who believe in God and who even know and want to know Him, have a tendency to over-complicate things. We are almost guilty of the same mistake. God’s been really teaching me lately that I sometimes over-analyse the Christian walk. All the things I should be doing, shouldn’t be doing, should have done, and should do in my spiritual life start to become more important than the Reason for these things. Jesus as our Creator, Redeemer, and Example is the most important: Simple. We get too wrapped up in living the life, in walking the walk. It becomes too much of an intellectual exercise.

To the Atheist: God is there, or He isn’t. 

To the Christian: God is here (see me pointing at my heart), or He isn’t. 

To the Christian: Why do you want to find Him?  

To the Atheist: Why do you not want to find Him?

Please think about it. 

Walking Through the Red Sea

With things gearing up around here for California Tour, I've had a lot on my plate. Mind you, I've voluntarily heaped up large helpings. Much of my recent busyness has been personal: praying about next year's plans, researching universities, and trying to keep my room clean in spite of the inevitable packing-for-Cali-Tour-and-Christmas-break-tornado. It's been so crazy that I have info and ideas and things I have to do and applications I have to fill and violin I have to practice and piano I have to learn and theory I have to finish and  friends I need to talk to and research I need to organize and packing I need to worry about oozing out of my pores. And that's just one half of my plate. The other, of course, is work-related. Putting together bus lists consists of more necessary work than you'd realize (especially the one[s] for Cali Tour); however, I'm learning a lot about logistics, behind-the-scenes planning, garnering information from people, and knowing from whom, how, and when to garner it.

So I guess my point is that I'm busy. Things are really busy around here at Fountainview, but I'm sure it's like that everywhere, to some extent. Life is simply busy (ok, maybe "simply" is not the best word). There's always things we have to do, things we probably should do, things we want to do, and things we wish we could do but can't. At every turn there are people that need to talk to you, people you need to talk to, deadlines to meet, messes to clean, things to plan, phone calls and emails to make. Right now I'm wondering how I have time to write this post (here's a secret: I don't).

Picture this: you're standing helplessly, staring at the deluge of busyness threatening to wash over you. A huge sea of stress and long to-do lists could crash down upon you at any moment. But now it's time to remember an old Bible story. The children of Israel had a large watery obstacle to pass, and God opened up a way for them, holding back the waters of the Red Sea. I always liked to imagine what it was like to walk by those huge walls of water, a miracle that defied the science of gravity and the like. "By faith they passed through the Red Sea as by dry land, whereas the Egyptians, attempting to do so, were drowned" (Hebrews 11:29 NKJV). The Israelites had to have faith in God to walk through the Red Sea. The Egyptians, on the other hand, had no such faith, and as a result they were drowned. 

Are you an Israelite or an Egyptian? It's a question I'm asking myself right now. Do you have enough faith in God (even the faith of the Israelites was pretty puny) to trust that He can hold back the tidal waves of busyness and stress, and make a way for you to get through, unharmed? Or are you going to try to pursue your own agenda, without faith in God? The story says that only those who have faith in God will survive a walk through the Red Sea. But what an experience! God wants to do the impossible in your life. So, by faith, keep walking. 

It's about time...

Well, I was checking my email and blog list, and all of a sudden a realization hit me like a wall: it's been 22 days since my last post! So, it's about time...


Time. The one thing in this world, second to God, that is unchanging. It goes on and on, consistently—never slower, never faster. The seconds tick by, becoming minutes, then hours, days, and years. Time is the constant heartbeat in earth's history. It doesn't wait for the farmers to bring in their harvest before the winter. It doesn't pick up its pace when sickness strikes. It marches—always forward—at a perpetual pace, mercilessly unfeigned by expectant hopes and nostalgic memories. 

Time moves on. So does life. 

And sometimes, I'm painfully aware. Yet, even these moments of reality pass by all too quickly, and the sharp pangs of longing for times past retreat into the recesses of my heart, waiting for an opportune time to reappear. 

I suppose I shall have to give an example. Enough of this abstract mumbo-jumbo. 

There are stages in life (this sounds abstract too...but bear with me). Typically: baby, kid, elementary school, middle school, high school, work/college, family/career, retirement. It's the expected cycle of life. But what happens when you seem to be suspended between two stages? Perhaps mine is a unique experience; but what happens when life has moved on yet you are still in the same place, with many of the same people, doing many of the same things? Or to put it simply: what happens when only half of your experience has moved on? The result is dissonant friction between life and time—between personal experience and the circumstances affecting it. 

In other words, this is what happens when Val Jacobson goes to Fountainview; makes life-long friends with her classmates, other students, and those she works with; experiences every joy and struggle that comes with school life, work life, tour life, dorm life; learns and grows so much in spiritual things; and becomes deeply involved in the music program. Then she graduates, only to return once more, not as a student, but to work and help as an assistant dean. Half of her experience has moved on—her classmates have left, school life is non-existent, responsibilities have changed. But at the same time, returning students and former bosses are her friends, the general experience and spiritual environment is similar, and a little bit of involvement in the music program is only enough to whet the appetite. 

These are but a few examples of the dissonant friction between my personal experience and the circumstances affecting it. This period of "suspension" between two stages of my life has been difficult (that is an understatement). 

But you know what? Time moves on. So does life. 

Sometime, this period will be past. And though there are trials sometimes that cause me to wonder why I chose this road, at the same time there are joys and experiences that I would not want to miss. I've learned from past experience to live in the moment—to savour it while I can. 

"The obstacles, provocations, and hardships that we meet, may prove to us, not a curse, but the greatest blessings of our lives; for the grandest character are built amid hardships and trials. But they must be received as practical lessons in the school of Christ. Every temptation resisted, every trial bravely borne, gives us a new experience, and advances us in the work of character-building. We have a better knowledge of the working of Satan, and of our own power to defeat him through divine grace" (RH November 24, 1885, par. 12).

Character-building, eh? At Fountainview nonetheless... 

"In the future life the mysteries that here have annoyed and disappointed us will be made plain. We shall see that our seemingly unanswered prayers and disappointed hopes have been among our greatest blessings" (HDL 13.2). I can't wait until that day.

"...the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21 KJV).


Amen.

New Poem...

The Painter’s Canvass

Nov. 5, 2011

Standing in the golden light,

The Painter, brush in hand;

The canvass sits, incomplete,

Awaits His soft command.

The bristles brush back and forth;

Yellow, green, and blue,

Black and white, purple, pink,

But wait, here’s something new.

His brush He plunges in the red

And draws it, poised to strike…

Stop! That corner’s set, it’s dry;

What’s there not to like?

With shaking head He sweeps across,

“No, not done quite yet.”

The black on white, now in part

Veiled by paint still wet.

Who am I to question

The One who’s painting me?

But why, oh why, must He hide

The art we once could see?

I know I’m not the Painter,

I cannot see it all,

The Master Artist knows what’s best

And He will make that call.

Sometimes I feel the need to paint

The picture of my life:

“Look here, this fine design I’ve drawn,

Now paint it green and white.”

Patiently, with gaze intent

The Painter carries on,

Undaunted by what seems to me

A masterpiece gone wrong.

Stepping back, He eyes His work;

A smile plays on His lips.

He chooses now the finest brush

For such a time as this.

He dips it gently in the gold

And with each careful stroke,

Unveils the beauty in His mind;

This never was a joke.

Who am I to question

The One who’s painting me?

Why ever did I doubt His skill,

His great ability?

Because I’m not the Painter

I cannot see how much

The artistry will be revealed

In His final touch.

Standing in the golden light,

The Painter, brush in hand;

The canvass sits, incomplete

Awaits His soft command.

Four Sentences

Well, I thought I would just write you a short four-sentence post to let you know that I have a new page up called "Poems." It's just a collection of most of my poems and things from the past couple of years. I don't really consider myself a poet...it's just that sometimes emotions and prayers just want to come out, and sometimes they rhyme, and sometimes they don't. But they look like poems, I guess...

Great Disappointments

It's late, but I just wanted to quickly share about something I've been learning about lately. It's all compiled from this past week's personal experiences, and today's worships and sermons etc.

Today is October 22. Many of my readers would probably know the significance of this date. This is when the "Great Disappointment" of 1844 occurred for those who believed that Jesus was coming on that date. Obviously, He didn't, and the disappointment the believers experienced was equal to the high expectation they had cherished. Another example of a "great disappointment" in church history was the cross. In both cases, the believers expected some great event because they misinterpreted the scriptures, but their hopes were dashed and they experienced disappointment. However, in both cases God had something infinitely better in store for them. Instead of an earthly kingdom, Jesus was establishing His heavenly kingdom at the cross. And instead of coming in 1844, Jesus began His final work of atonement so that we can actually be ready when He comes. 

This doesn't only happen on a church-level. In my own life I have experienced times when I have been disappointed, or have gone through a trying time. For example, coming back to Fountainview to work has been an awesome learning and growing experience, and I love being able to be here with the students and staff I have made friends with. But one "disappointment" I have experienced is not being so involved in the music program any more. Last year it was the very air I breathed -- almost my entire life and passion outside of school. It was one of my greatest passions for God, writing and playing music all the time that directly praised Him. And I especially loved working with my friends in the orchestra and music office. Then this year, all of a sudden, I found myself so close, sometimes able to savour a small taste every once in a while, but no longer a real part of it. It's so hard to explain, but I'm sure you have had your own personal experiences like this. It's been a hard struggle, and I've missed it terribly. I no longer have something that was so dear to me. 

I still miss it, but I am finally starting to learn the lessons God had for me in this experience. He's taught me that I can have joy in Him no matter how sad or discouraged I feel. I need to keep my eyes off of myself and what I want, and instead focus on the purpose He has for me right now, right here. Jesus has something better for me than I could possibly imagine; I just need to trust Him, in spite of the circumstances. And I can do none of this without His Spirit living in me, filling me with that unexplainable joy, keeping my focus on Christ, and giving me strength to trust Him. 

The song "Blessings" by Laura Story says it so well:

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Run

Well, post # four. I know, I'm slow, but you can't always force creativity, right? Anyways, I just wanted to share with you what I read in my devotions this morning. It was really cool.

I was reading Psalm 84, which is really good, has lots of food for thought. But I've read it lots before, and I wanted something new this time. So I decided to do a bit of Strong's look up. Pretty easy with a very nice little iPod app...just load a chapter, then click on linked words to see the definition of the Greek or Hebrew word. So I was clicking through random verses, and didn't really get any "wow" from the process (it's happened to me before) until I came to the last verse. Even God saves the best for last :)

"O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusteth in thee" (Psalm 84:12 KJV). Simple verse. Little verse. But check this out:

"blessed"

אשר

Pronunciation: 'esher

From 833; happiness; only in masculine plural construction as interjection, how happy!:--blessed, happy.

"man"
אדם
Pronunciation: 'adam
From 119; ruddy, that is, a human being (an individual or the species, mankind, etc.):--X another, + hypocrite, + common sort, X low, man (mean, of low degree), person.

"trusteth"
בטח
Pronunciation: batach
A primitive root; properly to hie for refuge (but not so precipitately as 2620); figuratively to trust, be confident or sure:--be bold (confident, secure, sure), careless (one, woman), put confidence, (make to) hope, (put, make to) trust.

I had to look up what "hie" meant in the dictionary: "to hasten; speed; go in haste."

So, if you haven't seen it already, here's the epiphany:
"O LORD of hosts, happy is the low human that hastens for refuge in Thee."

Wow. It came slowly, but as I started to see it more I got really excited. The word "happy" just makes that part so much more...meaningful. Defining "man" as a human and a man of low degree adds a bit of solemnity to it. Aren't we all in that category, compared to God?

My favourite part was to see that "trusteth" has such a deeper, broader meaning. It reminds me of those nightmares you used to have when you were little, where the bad monsters were chasing you, and you were running, running, running, trying to find a place to hide, a safe place—a place of refuge. Oh, the relief, the comfort, the joy, when you finally got to the place where the bad monsters could no longer reach you.

This is what it means to trust in God. When I'm struggling with something—when there are bad monsters in my life: fear, discouragement, sadness, confusion, frustration, you name it—what should I do? What should you do? Run to God. Hasten to Him, and you will find refuge. But the key is this: we need to realize that we are humans of low degree. "But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away" (Isaiah 64:6 KJV). If we come to Him in humility, knowing we cannot battle the bad monsters on our own, He will help us. And we need to hasten—we need to run to Him at the first sign of danger. 

Humility + running for refuge in God = happiness.

Memories and Candles

It's interesting to think of the people who have had an impact on your life. There are so many in mine that were I to write about all of them, I'm afraid that even the most avid blog reader would zone out. So for now I'll just talk about my friend Liss. 

We went to school together and played violin and piano together. Hanging out in her room, laughing, crying, praying, massaging, talking, and on and on...we had good times. She a junior, and me a senior, I had in mind to pass her my candle at the Expressions service at my graduation. God brought us closer and closer in the time we spent together, the times where I gave her some senior-ly advice, when I could look at her and know she was "thinking" about something (or vice versa...we know each other pretty well), the times we would share our current struggles and victories in Christ. Graduation came all too fast, and it was all a blur. I hardly cried at all on Expressions night, except for one moment: we were singing the candle song, "Go Light Your World," for the candle-passing ceremony, and half-way through Liss, who was beside me, was shaken by a few tears. I cried a bit then, but it wasn't till days later when I read my yearbook that the emotion from the weekend really hit. I'm not sure if reading it again as I wrote this was a good idea or not...

To think that I was no longer going to be with all these friends I had made at Fountainview! As I sat in my secret place outside on campus, reading my yearbook, I cried with the sadness of it all, with the sadness of separation from my class, my candle partner, my other friends. And when I came to the part Melissa wrote about me passing my candle to her, my heart ached that the act of passing the candle was not just a friendly gesture, a charge to keep the fire burning, but a parting act between close friends. 

But now here's the funny thing. It wasn't a parting act, at least not yet. Unexpectedly, I'm back. I'm a dean, and not only that, I'm her dean! And we live in the same house. And we still get to hang out together, pray together, laugh together, play together, and talk together. God is so good! The candle may seem like a little thing, but I can see it still burning brightly in the hands of the one I passed it to. And I pray that it will continue to grow brighter, everyday. I love you Liss.

Every Moment

I have been utterly negligent of my blog lately. In fact, this is only my second post. But I just want to share with you what God has been teaching me in the past couple of weeks. Working as an assistant dean at the school I just graduated from has been a trying, learning, growing, and fun experience. So often I run into questions and problems that I usually have almost no clue how to answer or solve. It's hard, sometimes, to deal with disciplining students, to stay on top of every duty, to be friends with the students and show genuine interest in their lives, and to work with others. It's even harder when you're running on so little sleep. But God has been teaching me more than ever utter dependence upon Him. There is no way I could do the work He has for me to do here without His strength, wisdom, and courage, every single moment of the day. I've noticed that if I let go of Him for even one moment, in one little situation, I end up getting more stressed, making more mistakes,  and losing opportunities I could have used to reach out to someone. I've realized that the work we do here is so valuable, and so impacting. Every little decision I make, every word I speak to a student or staff, every action, is having an influence on those around me. Only by God's strength, moment by moment, in the little things, can we fulfil God's purpose for us, wherever we may find ourselves.