Better than I

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through

I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

For You know better than I

You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me
Will You teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers You supply

You know better than I

~John Bucchino

Life Update

So. You are all in for a rushed blog post. I've been busy (as you can tell because I haven't posted in almost a month). A lot has happened since I last posted:

Fountainview Graduation
Grad Clean-up
Canada Day (my first one as a CANADIAN, eh?!)
Canada Day Pops Orchestra Concert at Kelowna (which I played in)
"Camping" trip with my parents

Let me pause there. We were supposed to go camping in three different places on three different nights, and then head back to the place in the Rockies where we were going for a wedding. But a torrential downpour revolutionized our plans. After sleeping in the car the first night (the rental SUV was longer, which helped; we stuck all the gear in the two front seats and folded the back seats down, and wala! you have a bed on which three different sleeping pads get to squish beside/on top of each other, and then you get to sleep on those), we decided that any activity would be miserable in the rain. (Side note: we did eat freeze-dried food [add hot water]...including ice cream. It all actually tasted really good.) Next stop: Calgary! Real destination: the outlets! It was actually very profitable; I got all the shopping done that I would have had to do in the two weeks before I head down to ARISE. The next day we went to the Columbia Icefields, and rode and walked on the Athabasca Glacier and drank fresh, cold, crystal clear glacier water. Tastes like nothing! AMAZING!

 Freeze-dried food

 Lake Morraine

 Big Vehicle: the brakes work backwards. You brake to go. True story.

The the Columbia Icefields (where they really start) far away. 

Like the moon...with a flag...except for the mountains and blue sky. 

 Glacier water!!

 My dad took this one (these pictures are all taken with a Sony SLT camera).

Since then, I've been busy cleaning, deaning, orchestrating, playing violin.

And that is the basic story of my life...for the past 3 1/2 weeks :)

Homesick for Heaven

by Henry de Fluiter

So dear to my heart is the promise of God,

A home with the pure and blest;

Where earth weary pilgrims, strangers here below,

Will find their eternal rest.

I'm homesick for heaven, seems I cannot wait,

Yearning to enter Zion's pearly gate;

There, never a heartache, never a care,

I long for my home over there.

'Tis Eden, fair Eden, I long to behold,

Where naught can despoil that's fair;

Where saints of all ages, hold communion sweet,

The glories of heaven share.

I'm homesick for heaven, seems I cannot wait,

Yearning to enter Zion's pearly gate;

There, never a heartache, never a care,

I long for my home over there.

But chiefest of all is the thought that enthralls,

That I shall behold my King;

Rejoice in His presence, revel in His grace,

And ever His praises sing.

I'm homesick for heaven, seems I cannot wait,

Yearning to enter Zion's pearly gate;

There, never a heartache, never a care,

I long for my home over there.

They Come and Go

Seasons

June 21, 2012

bird song

bright flower

green grows all around

soft grass

warm dirt

showers fall on the ground

blue sky

hot sun

wind kicks up the dust

cherries red

lemonade

ice cubes are a must

clouds come

leaves fall

mornings fresh and cold

apples ripe

wet rain

snow is yet foretold

frost forms

blizzard blows

children go and play

snow men

cozy fire

early end of day

they come and go

round and round

for some intended reason

passing by

it never stops:

the turning of the seasons

About One Year Ago...

The Edge

June 19, 2011 

Close to the edge

But not close enough to see

Hard to imagine

What will there be?

I step a little closer

Hesitant to even peek

A knowledge of the other side

Not sure I want to seek

I peer from a safe distance

Into the great unknown

Too blurry, it hurts the eyes

And I turn. I'm not alone.

Twenty-five pairs of eyes

All return my gaze

Look out there; look at each other

As if we're in a daze

We step a little closer

Catch a glimpse of what lies ahead

Expecting to see 26 together

Realizing we'll be apart, instead

A dull ache begins to grow

Excitement, sadness, fear

I quickly shut my eyes

Must not shed the first tear

We think of all the memories --

Of how the Lord, our Guide

Brought us here, once just a class

Now a Family, close and tried

Hand in hand, we look again

Out to the world beyond

A spark has lit within our hearts

In Christ we'll keep this bond

We must not let the spider web

Of not too long ago

Ever break, though time and space

May come between. Do not let go.

And we'll go forth, beyond the edge

To greater heights unknown

We'll trust each other to the Lord

And pray, for it's been shown

That a people, a class who puts Him first

Shall reap a great reward

Though we are sad to leave each other

It's a price we can afford

For God is eagerly waiting

Preparing our home in Heaven

To welcome our Family into His

The Class of 2011

Thoughts After a Year...

I currently have three other posts in draft form...they are coming, I assure you!

Life is crazy busy around here as the year is rolling down. Grad is only in 6 days! Already a whole year since I graduated...

And it makes me think.

What has happened since I graduated?
What have I accomplished?
Where am I now?

Who am I now?

It can be sobering to think back on the first year after your graduation. Sometimes it seems as no time at all has gone by. But almost 365 days have passed. 

Was each day worth it? 

Did I live according to the ideals and goals I had when I walked down the aisle?

Did I continue to seek God as my first and highest passion?

Did I take advantage of every circumstance He provided to bless or to grow,

or were my days characterized 

by missed opportunities?

by victories or defeat? 

by lessons learned?

Did I make a difference? 

Am I different?

All these questions...all these thoughts after a year. The answers are between me and God. 

But I can see that though I have had 

many missed opportunities, 

many apparent defeats,
and many lessons slowly and agonizingly learned—

though I have not always been faithful—

God is faithful. 

He steadfastly led me step by step, 

pausing too often to wait as I became distracted with worries and temptations, 

gently picking me up and dusting me off when I fell, 

and lifting my head once again to focus on the narrow way, 

pointing to the light at the end. 

It fills me with utter gratitude that He is merciful.

And though I am not worthy, He is still using me to bless others.

And He has brought me here. He has made me who I am.

I am confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in [me] will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

What about you?

Watch His Purpose, Watch His Ways...

WHEN GOD WANTS A MAN

(Anonymous)

When God wants to drill a man and thrill a man and skill a man...

When God wants to mold a man to play the noblest part;

When He yearns with all His heart to create so great and bold a man that all the world shall praise...

Watch His methods;

Watch His ways!

How He ruthlessly perfects whom He royally elects...

How He hammers him and hurts him,

And with mighty blows converts him

Into frail shapes of clay that only God understands. How his tortured heart is crying and he lifts beseeching hands...

How he bends but never breaks when His good he undertakes.

How He uses whom He chooses...with every purpose fuses him;

By every art induces him to try His splendour out...

God knows what He's about!

When God wants to take a man and shake a man and wake a man...

When God wants to make a man to do the future’s will;

He tries with all His skill...

When He yearns with all His soul to create him large and whole...

With what cunning He prepares him...

How He goads and never spares him! How He whets him and He frets him and in poverty begets him...

How often He disappoints whom He sacredly anoints!

With what wisdom He will hide him;

Never minding what betide him...

Though his genius sob with slighting and his pride may not forget;

Bids him struggle harder yet!

Makes him lonely so that only God's high messages shall reach him...

So that He may surely teach him what the hierarchy planned;

And though he may not understand...

Gives him passions to command.

How remorselessly He spurs him...

With terrific ardour stirs him

When He poignantly prefers him.

When God wants to name a man and fame a man and tame a man...

When God wants to shame a man to do His Heavenly best;

When He tries the highest test that His reckoning may bring...

When He wants a [god] or king;

How He reins him and restrains him so his body scarce contains him...

While He fires him and inspires him…

Keeps him yearning, ever burning for that tantalizing goal.

Lures and lacerates his soul...

Sets a challenge for his spirit;

Draws it highest then he's near it!

Makes a jungle that he clear it;

Makes a desert that he fear it...and subdue it, if he can -

So doth God make a man!

Then

To test his spirit's wrath

Throw a mountain in his path;

Puts a bitter choice before him and relentlessly stands o'er him...

Climb or perish, so He says...

But, watch His purpose, watch His ways.

God's plan is wondrous kind - could we understand His mind?

Fools are they who call His blind!

When his feet are torn and bleeding;

Yet his spirit mounts unheeding...

Blazing newer paths and finds;

When the Force that is Divine leaps to challenge every failure,

And His ardour still is sweet -

And love and hope are burning in the presence of defeat!

Lo the crisis, Lo the shouts that would call the leader out...

When the people need salvation doth he rise to lead the nation;

Then doth God show His plan...

And the world has found a man!

GSL: Spring - Filming Days 4 and 5

Here are the next two days of filming Spring for God So Loved the World. They were also our last two days of filming the songs. It was a lot of fun, cold, music, and water!

Jeremiah 17:7-8

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

And whose hope is the Lord.

For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,

Which spreads out its roots by the river,

And will not fear when heat comes;

But its leaf will be green,

And will not be anxious in the year of drought,

Nor will cease from yielding fruit." 

The one who trusts in the Lord

And puts all hope in Him will be happy.

For she gains her strength from the Living Water,

Strongly rooted by the River of Life,

And she won't fear trials or temptation;

But she will be sustained and unaffected,

And won't worry in a time of spiritual dryness,

Because she will never stop bearing the fruits of the Spirit.

God So Loved the World - Spring: Filming Days 1-3

Spring Filming is on! Here at Fountainview Academy we are filming the third episode of God So Loved the World. Below are some videos so you can see behind the scenes and check out what we've been up to recently. For more information, visit http://fountainviewproductions.ca/.

Revolutionary Preoccupation

We interrupt the usual programming (i.e., the next post about David) to bring you this update:

It all started on the evening of May 14, 2012. I was preoccupied with fixing and organizing small details in my iTunes library (it was probably a waste of time...thankfully God made something good come of it). In the process of finding missing album artwork, I found myself on the GYC website. As I browsed, a blog post caught my attention...

Revolution Underway: Memorizing Acts

It started so small. Just two women and one idea so radical I pinched myself wondering if I was brave enough to own it too.

In the simplest terms, The book of Acts: 28 chapters, 1,007 verses, 24,308 words—in 300 days.
It didn’t take long before the ripple of excitement had extended from Alonna and my sister Natasha to the rest of my family and a few other friends.

And then something came over us, and we ventured to dare....

Interest sparked.

I read the rest of the post, and then another, and another. I clicked on links to other websites and blogs. I joined a group. I downloaded an iPod app. I prayed. I told other friends about it. And now I'm telling you.

The verdict:

By God's grace, I will
saturate myself in scripture,
hide [His]tory in my heart,
and get preoccupied with the Word.

And why not start with the Book of Acts?

To say the least, I have already tried to memorize other books of the NT, but I have not yet been successful at sticking to it until completion. But this Memorizing Acts Challenge is helping me set definite goals to reach. It helps to have a friend living in the same house doing it too. And there are over 80 of us around the world...

So why Acts?

First of all, the Book of Acts is the theme for this next GYC (Acts: The Revolution Continues).

Secondly, instead of, "The Acts of the Apostles," the title really should be, "The Acts of the Holy Spirit."
The experience of the early church, fresh and filled with the Holy Spirit, is to parallel ours in these last days.

And frankly, we're not keeping up with those early apostles and missionaries.

Not yet...

They turned the world upside down in a single generation.
The gospel literally went out to all the known world.
They were with one accord.
They were filled with the Spirit...overflowing, in fact.

But we're still here.

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be here any longer than necessary—here, in this sin-sick world.
And I am very much a sick one...

But I have been saved by grace,
bought with blood,
and prayed for by the King of the universe.

I love Him. You probably do too. The question is, how much?

Enough to seek to turn the world upside down...in a single generation?
To take the gospel to the whole world?
To live with one accord?
To be filled with the Spirit...and overflowing?

Enough to be preoccupied with His Word?

Yes.

No? If you have been preoccupied with other things (and I assure you, I have too, very much...), "now is the day of salvation" (2 Corinthians 6:2).
Today is the day.

It's time for change—

in my life,
in yours,
in the church,
and in the world.

Won't you join us?



"Thy word have I hid in mine heart..." 

Acts: The Revolution
Join our Group online

scripturetyper.com

PS We've just started on Chapter 8, which is where I started. I'll do the first 7 chapters afterwards. Feel free to dive right in!

David: Fear, Faith, and Failure

He is one of my favourite Bible characters. The call of God on his life, the trials he endured, the patience that was necessary, the faith that sometimes failed, the struggles with self, the forgiveness he experienced, the heart who still loved God, and the desire to glorify the true Sovereign of Israel—I feel like I can relate.

I've been reading through the book Patriarchs and Prophets for the first time. I've learned so much, especially from the life of David. It is jam packed with lessons and insights on the Christian life and experience. 

One thing struck me. So often we look at David’s affair with Bathsheba as the “only” failure of David’s life, including the sad and terrible consequences that followed. But as I was reading, I realized that David actually failed many times throughout his life.

For example, his “first error,” as the author of the book calls it, occurred when he first fled from Saul and went to the tabernacle at Nob, where the high priest was.

"Now David came to Nob, to Ahimelech the priest. And Ahimelech was afraid when he met David, and said to him, 'Why are you alone, and no one is with you?' So David said to Ahimelech the priest, 'The king has ordered me on some business, and said to me, "Do not let anyone know anything about the business on which I send you, or what I have commanded you." And I have directedmy young men to such and such a place. Now therefore, what have you on hand? Give me five loaves of bread in my hand, or whatever can be found' " (1 Samuel 21:1-3 NKJV).

What did David just do here? He lied. He was afraid of being caught, and he distrusted God to the point of lying to the priest, who could have helped him had he told the truth. David lost hold of his faith, and out of fear he resorted to deception.

Right after leaving Nob, David fled to Gath, a Philistine city.

"Then David arose and fled that day from before Saul, and went to Achish the king of Gath. And the servants of Achish said to him, 'Is this not David the king of the land? Did they not sing of him to one another in dances, saying:
"Saul has slain his thousands,
And David his ten thousands"?'
Now David took these words to heart, and was very much afraid of Achish the king of Gath" (1 Samuel 21:10-12).

We’re starting to see a pattern here. How does David handle his fear this time?

"So he changed his behavior before them, pretended madness in their hands, scratched on the doors of the gate, and let his saliva fall down on his beard. Then Achish said to his servants, 'Look, you see the man is insane. Why have you brought him to me? Have I need of madmen, that you have brought this fellow to play the madman in my presence? Shall this fellow come into my house?' David therefore departed from there and escaped to the cave of Adullam" (1 Samuel 21:13-22:1).

Patriarchs and Prophets says that “his second mistake was his deception before Achish” (PP 656). Again, because of fear he used deception to escape his situation. Instead of trusting God to save him out of his predicament (that he got himself into) he trusted in himself. 

As I read this, I started to wonder how I could relate to David’s experience. Just a couple of paragraphs later, I found the answer:

“Every failure on the part of the children of God is due to their lack of faith. When shadows encompass the soul, when we want light and guidance, we must look up: there is light beyond the darkness. David ought not to have distrusted God for one moment. He had cause for trusting in Him: he was the Lord’s anointed, and in the midst of danger he had been protected by the angels of God; he had been armed with courage to do wonderful things; and if he had but removed his mind from the distressing situation in which he was placed, and had thought of God’s power and majesty, he would have been at peace even in the midst of the shadows of death; he could with confidence have repeated the promise of the Lord, ‘The mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but My kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of My peace be removed.’ Isaiah 54:10” (PP 657). 

Sometimes, at the end of a day, I look back and I see how much I failed, maybe even in little things. Have you ever felt that way? I don’t know what it is for you; it could be anything from neglecting your devotions to letting your tongue get the better of you. Maybe you look back and you see how selfish you were, or how little you seemed to accomplish. You fill in the blank.  

But whenever you fail or make mistakes, remember that “Every failure on the part of the children of God is due to their lack of faith.” That sentence nearly blew me away when I first read it. The first words conjured up all my recent failures, and I saw truth in it's piercing light. Every time I failed, it was because I lacked faith. It was just that simple.

I once read this passage for my devotions in the summer, and I had an idea. It says that David “had cause for trusting in Him” and then went on to list why. So, I decided to prayerfully write down my cause for trusting in God.

I encourage you to try it. Sit down with a pen and paper, and ask God to remind you specifically how He has proved Himself to you in the past. I guarantee that you will gain a huge blessing, and you will discover that there is no reason to distrust God "for one moment."

Maybe you are facing personal battles today. Instead of being afraid, taking things into your own hands, and turning fear into failure and a lack of faith, remember God’s faithfulness. He will work all things out for good, and if you go to Him in faith, He will give you more faith and fill you with courage to do what is right. He will be able to save you from failure, if you constantly trust in Him.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13).

One more thing. David did fail many times, including committing the gross crimes of adultery and murder, but in the end... Well, I'll save all of that for the next post :) 

Stay tuned!

Surprise!

Well, today I am 18 years old...and 39 days. It's a little late, but here we go....

My family and friends threw me a big surprise party for my 18th birthday.

The end.

Just kidding! That would have been a pretty lame blog post.

First, I want to say kudos to my family for actually pulling it off... I usually find things out pretty fast (not always accidentally), but this time, I had no clue! I mean, I knew 18 was a big birthday (especially for Filipinos) and I figured we would do something a little more special. But I was so busy right before Spring Break and I barely even had time to think about it. I thought we would celebrate it at my grandparent's house, maybe with some friends. Boy was I wrong...

The first of many times that someone almost gave it away was at a friend's house the first night. His grandma was there, and when she greeted me she said, "So I hear you have a big birthday coming up, right?" I wondered how she knew.

When we went to my grandparents' place the next day, my dad asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. He mentioned that the Old Spaghetti Factory (one of my favourite restaurants) had just opened in Kelowna. My mom said there was go-karts too. All very good decoys, of course.

The next day was Sabbath, and instead of going to my grandparents' church we went to another area church to be with some friends we hadn't seen in a while. We went to their house afterwards for lunch. Though I suspected we might do something special there, we just had a very nice visit. Before we left the father said something about seeing me later in the week (I think he was supposed to), and everyone kind of looked at him funny (because he didn't say it quite right), but I didn't think twice (I did think once, however). Afterwards, I wanted to drop off a gift for an old friend who lived close by. I knew my friend wasn't home, but when we asked where her mom was, her dad said, "Oh, she went into Armstrong to see you and give you a card from Claire. I think she's going to the church...or to your grandparents' house." I didn't know until later that he almost gave it away without realizing it.

My family had to change their plan from plan 1 to plan 2 to plan 3 each time something like this happened. Finally, this is how it turned out...it was quite elaborate.

When we came back to my grandparents' place, they told us they had to go to a "church planning meeting." My mom had to go too because there was a practice right after (for the Filipino ladies, I assumed). I wanted to see one of those ladies, and I also needed to deliver some Help in Daily Living DVDs to her. So, my dad and I waited at the house until my grandparents called to let us know that the meeting was almost over. It was almost 7 o'clock, and as we waited I asked my dad when we were going to eat. He responded, "I'm sure Grandma's making something."

Finally the call came. My dad mentioned something on the phone about eating at A&W. When we got to the church, I was not surprised to see all the cars in the parking lot. It was quiet because the meeting wasn't over yet, and we headed downstairs. When I turned the corner, in the distance I could see some people sitting against the back wall in the dim light, and I thought, "Who are they?" I didn't even notice all the balloons and the tables of food. As I got closer, someone struck a chord on the piano, and everyone sang "Happy Birthday" as I came in. I didn't know what to do; I just stood there, awkwardly holding the DVDs and my purse. As I scanned across the fellowship room, full of around 80 people, I saw many friends I hadn't seen in a long time and thought I wouldn't have the chance to see. I cried. As soon as the song was over, Susan and Denis (my violin teachers) played a wonderful Happy Birthday duet. Then we dived into the food: pansit (Filipino noodles), pansit, and more pansit, plus some other goodies (my mom had asked a bunch of ladies to make my favourite food).

When everyone was mostly done eating (except me), the program started. My mom went up front and explained how big someone's 18th birthday is in the Philippines. For hers, she had to dress in a big ball gown and dance with 18 girls (in ball gowns) and 18 boys (not in ball gowns), who all gave her roses. We did the "tamed down" version. 18 instrumental family or friends in my life got up front to say a few words to me, and then they gave me a rose. Some were letters sent by family and friends who could not come, and my dad picked appropriate people to read them to me. There were special music numbers scattered throughout, as well.

Afterwards, my dad led out in the slideshow. It was more like a game show. He started at the "beginning" with pictures of himself when he was a little boy...and then went into random pictures of myself growing up, and the audience had to guess what my "career choice" was based on what I was doing in the picture, and then the "real career choice" would be displayed on the screen. All good guesses were rewarded with a chocolate bar. If you know my dad, you can imagine what sort of "real career choices" he came up with. The second half of the slideshow was entitled "Love." Again, if you know my dad, you can only imagine what that was like. Basically, there were a bunch of pictures of me and some guy friends throughout my life, starting with a little friend I had when I was 4 or 5 in Australia, who he deemed my "first love." One section of these pictures were with guys who had been "picked out" by others for me, and as we went through them, my dad told everyone to cheer for the one they thought was the best. It was all very hilarious (and a big joke, too, mind you).

My parents had asked everyone in the invitations not to bring gifts, but instead to bring a donation towards ARISE costs, where I will be attending this fall. God really blessed, and we raised a good amount. I still have quite a ways to go, however. Please pray that I will be able to raise the amount that is left, in God's time. Your prayers and support are appreciated!

Well, I hope you enjoyed this long epistle about my birthday party. Thank you, friends and family, for coming and making it a blast!

Officially Canadian, Eh? Yea!

Hello world! Within the past two hours, I officially became a Canadian citizen!

The ceremony was good, serious, with a bit of humour, and full of import. I thought that I would cry when I finally became officially Canadian, after waiting for 13 years, but I suppose it was too "surreal" as my dad put it.  I've noticed that when I participate in something that signifies a great change (such as graduation), my emotions don't come out until after the fact. I just felt somber, even nervous for some reason. But as I write this, the excitement is catching up to me :)

We got there quite early to check in and turn in our permanent residency cards. Good bye PR card! Hello citizenship certificate! After waiting for a long while and taking pictures, the ceremony finally got under way. The MC (I'm not sure what office she was) explained everything to us, and then the presiding judge and officers and representatives of government officials came in and took their seats. The RCMP constable, who stood behind the judge the entire time, opened the ceremony, and then the judge had a nice speech about Canada and what it means to become Canadian, etc. She repeated some phrases in French as well. Afterwards, the 60-some of us who were soon to be Canadians each stood and raised our right hands and said our full name. Then, repeating phrase by phrase after the judge, we took the Oath of Citizenship:

I swear (or affirm) that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Queen of Canada, Her Heirs and Successors, and that I will faithfully observe the laws of Canada and fulfil my duties as a Canadian citizen.

Then we lined up to receive our certificates, shake hands, and receive a bunch of pins and flags and books etc. The representatives of the government officials gave speeches to congratulate us, and then we sang (or tried to sing) the national anthem. (When we stood up to say our names, I couldn't understand half of them...there were 18 countries represented at the ceremony). Afterwards, we lined up to take pictures with the Mountie and the judge.

I am officially Canadian, eh? Yea!

I Can't, but You Can

Date: April 15, 2011
Title: Remember
(Edited for sharing purposes)

Remember to come when I call. Remember that you are not your own. You are Mine, both by right, and by your surrender. My will is still binding on you, even when it seems that I don't always ask you to fulfill it in the same way. For My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts are higher than your thoughts. I am calling you higher; remember, even the unpleasant, ugly, uncomfortable steps are necessary. To go higher, you must first learn to go lower. So in that sense, I am still calling you lower. You must let go of your pride.

But Lord, I'm trying! I don't even really know how. How can I give up something about myself that I don't even understand?

I can give you the wisdom.

I know, Lord, but even if I did know how, I know I couldn't.

I can give you the strength.

I know all this, Lord. I guess it's just hard. This battle is hard.

I came not to bring peace, but a sword [Matthew 10:34]. Remember what you read this morning. Who are you that you should be afraid of self, who will die? [Isaiah 51:12]. What can self do to you? When you cry out to Me, Your enemies will turn back. This you know, because I am for you. I will keep your feet from falling [Psalm 56:4, 8, 9, 13].

Forgive me, Lord, for asking this, but then why do I fall?

You only fall when you let go of Me. I'm not going to hold you up if you refuse My hand. And if you accept My hand, you must accept all from My hand. Remember, you are not your own.

Lord, I can't do this. Part of me wants to continue that full surrender, but self is holding me back. You are asking a lot. No, You're asking for all. And it's almost too hard. I never really thought it was this hard, long ago, but then I didn't understand it as fully. Now I am starting to see more just how entire this must be. I want to, Lord. I want to surrender. I want to be humble. I want to let go of my pride. But...

You can do nothing of yourself. You can't even surrender your all yourself. Only ask me to take your all, and then I will enable you to be wholly surrendered to me. Please, I long for you to let Me.

Then Lord, take me. Take my all. Do what you will with my life. I can't battle self. I know I can do nothing. I come to you with nothing of my own to offer; no power of my own, no wisdom of my own, no righteousness of my own. Please, Lord, utterly crush my pride. I don't want to seek my own. Make me always remember that I am nothing. Please, Lord, I can't, but You can.

Sometimes He Calms the Storm

All who sail the sea of faith 

Find out before too long 

How quickly blue skies can grow dark 

And gentle winds grow strong 

Suddenly fear is like white water 

Pounding on the soul 

Still we sail on knowing 

That our Lord is in control 

Sometimes He calms the storm 

With a whispered peace be still 

He can settle any sea 

But it doesn't mean He will 

Sometimes He holds us close 

And lets the wind and waves go wild 

Sometimes He calms the storm 

And other times He calms His child 

He has a reason for each trial 

That we pass through in life 

And though we're shaken 

We cannot be pulled apart from Christ 

No matter how the driving rain beats down 

On those who hold to faith 

A heart of trust will always 

Be a quiet peaceful place

~ Scott Krippayne

The Epitome of Unselfishness

It's easy to say, "I love God."

Many of us have grown up knowing that we should love God with all our heart,
with all our mind,
with all our strength,
and with all our soul.
We know that we should love God above anything or anyone else.

I know it too. But one can know and yet...

not know.


A few days ago I was looking at some notes I've taken on my iPod these past couple of years. I had already read quite a few old notes, and all of them brought back unique memories or things I learned which I had jotted down.

This one, however, caught my attention.

The date: April 9, 2011.
The title: Sabbath Solo Time.
The place: Hawaii.

As I shook the dust off and peered at this picture from memory's closet, I remembered sitting in the shade of some sparse trees, on the opposite side of a beautiful bay on the island of Kauai.

Up in the hills, I couldn't see the ocean, just the woods around me.

It was quiet.

I was alone.

I could speak out loud to God without anyone hearing.

But I found that I didn't do much talking. I found myself listening as I talked.

And then I wrote...

I want God to be my first love, my highest passion. I was telling Him this, but as I was I realized that He wasn't. He showed me that most often, I love myself more than God. Yes, we're supposed to love God above anyone else, but I had never really concretely thought about loving Him more than myself. It's so obvious, yet I've never seen it like that before. If we loved God more than ourselves, we would have reached the epitome of unselfishness.

After I read this and saw the picture clearly in my mind, I had to stop and read the last phrase again. My lack of proper grammar in this quick note didn't help my comprehension, so I edited it:

"If we love God more than ourselves, we have reached the epitome of unselfishness." 


I can say I love God. That's easy.

However, if I only do what I want to do and serve my own desires,
and I don't listen to what God tells me to do and follow His will,
then I speak a lie.

My whole life is a lie.

Naturally, I am bent on following my own will,
and then I am so inherently selfish that
I blind myself to the fact that I have put myself before God.

I cannot see that my actions say, "I love myself more than God."


Jesus said, "If you love me, keep my commandments."

This does not only apply to His law in His word.
This applies in everyday life, whenever you hear that still, small voice calling you.

Will you follow Me regardless of your earthly desires? 

Will you drop everything, 
even as your hands grasp the nets, 
and allow Me to make you a fisher of men, and not 
a pleaser of men? 

A conqueror of self, and not 
a slave of self? 

Will you allow Me to come in and take full control 
of your senses, 
your thoughts, 
your desires 
and actions?

Do you really love Me? 

Follow Me. 


I have heard this voice before...

And sometimes, it almost seems like too much.

I find myself thinking, "You're asking a lot. It's just too hard. Why must it be so hard?"

I struggle because I know what He asks is right, even if I can't see the end result.
I know it's the only way.

But my desires conflict. And sadly, more often than not
I confirm the lie of my life
by handing the reins to my own desires.


When asked what true unselfishness is, we point to the cross.
Jesus came down and gave His life
for you
and for me.
He would have rather died than be in heaven without us.

In the garden He struggled with inhuman agony when duty to His Father's will
was contrary to desire.

But unparalleled Love that we will never comprehend instantly made the decision.

He counted the cost and drank the cup, even when all was so dark
and He couldn't see the end result.
He loved us more than Himself.


This is the epitome of unselfishness.


So what does it have to do with us?

"Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross" (Philippians 2:5-8 NKJV).  

The epitome of unselfishness—loving God more than ourselves—is something we cannot reach on our own.

We need Jesus' mind.

"Let this mind be in you..."

We need only to ask, and He will begin
to transform,
renew,
and empower our minds and hearts
to be His.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26 NKJV).

Then we will humble ourselves, 

and become obedient to the point of death. 

Even the death of ourself.

This is the epitome of unselfishness.